Questions of the Heart
by CarlieD
Summary: He had never met a woman so intent on asking the toughest questions in life. The six questions that shaped the love and marriage of Remus John Lupin: Who, Why, What, Where, When and How.
1. Who Do You Want Me To Be, Remus?

**Questions of the Heart**

_He had never met a woman so intent on asking the toughest questions in life. The six questions that shaped the love and marriage of Remus John Lupin: Who, Why, What, Where, When and How._

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the HP characters. All belongs to Rowling.

* * *

_**Chapter 1: "Who do you want me to be, Remus?"**_

_June 23, 1997_

He'd actually stopped listening to her quite some time ago. Right now, to him, it was rather nice to have her screaming at him somewhere a little lesser exposed than the hospital wing of Hogwarts.

It wasn't the first time he'd had the fairer sex screaming at him. Lily had screamed at him every time he'd failed to talk James out of another stupid stunt with Sirius. But somehow this time was different. Somehow this time it stung just that little bit more, to know that _she_ was _angry_ with _him_. And somehow he didn't _want_ her angry with him.

The whole scene was beginning to feel a little too uncomfortably reminiscent of Sarah, and Remus began to feel the slightest urge to walk out before he got any more attached.

"Merlin, Remus, are you even _listening_ to me?" she demanded, bringing him abruptly back to present times.

He thought a moment, figured if he survived the night with the mood she was in, it'd be a miracle any way, and said frankly, "No." Sighing, Remus got to his feet and left the young beguiling Auror fuming in the sitting room.

"Remus!" she howled in frustration.

***

She was clearly losing steam at about 2 AM.

"Finished yet?" he asked quietly as he set down the _Prophet_, when she had stopped screaming. "It's a bit late, you really ought to go to sleep." Without another word said, he got to his feet and began to walk out of her flat to go home, convinced that she would be all right on her own now.

"Merlin..." she groaned, and he was unpleasantly surprised to hear a muffled sob coming from the other end of the room. "Can't we... can't we just _talk_ about this?"

"I'm not talking about anything with you except the fact that it is 2 AM," Remus began to say, stopping in his tracks when she caught the hem of his sleeve. "Tonks..."

"Who do you want me to be, Remus?" she asked angrily, placing herself stubbornly in his path, her grip still holding his sleeve captive, and reaching up on tiptoes to look him in the eyes. Bloodshot from tears and a sleepless night, her dark blue eyes didn't waver for a second from his own light blue as she repeated, a little more softly, "Who do you want me to be, that you _will_ talk about it?"

There was dead silence in the flat as they looked at each other. Then, when he saw the tears threaten to cascade down those soft cheeks again, he finally gave up the fight.

"Don't ever be anybody else except you," he murmured as he laid a light, gentle kiss on her lips. He lingered there a moment, trapped in his own thoughts and memories, until he felt her lips press back against his, as she slid her arms around his neck and he just stopped thinking.

He allowed her to tug him back towards the bedroom, the taste of her intoxicating, addicting, entrancing, enthralling, ensnaring...

_Moony, old boy, you think too much._ James' frank observation cut into his whirlwind of thought and his kaleidoscope of colours. _Just shut off your brain and enjoy it._

***

Maybe that was the trick to it, Tonks thought briefly to herself. You just had to catch him off-guard and make him stop thinking.

She felt the breeze, cool against her skin, as clothes were shed. The temperature in the room seemed to drop about twenty degrees from where it had been, making her shiver instinctively. He pulled her in against his body, wonderfully warm and perfectly conformed to her. Reaching up on tiptoes again, she kissed him once more.

Oh, if she could have this for the rest of her life, she would never need alcohol again.

***

She woke a few hours later to the sensation of his kisses trailing light paths of burning desire across her face. Moaning sleepily, she shifted slightly. "Remus..." she mumbled, eyes fluttering open.

"Shh, Dora," came his soft, raspy whisper, kisses traveling down her throat and across her collarbone, growing increasingly desperate the closer they got to intimate territory. "Just relax..."

***

He woke up the next morning still a little blurry on the details, but generally in knowledge of the overall event. It was rather disturbingly like the morning after full moon.

Oh, Merlin.

Heart suddenly racing, Remus looked over to see her still asleep, face buried deep into her pillows, nestling snugly against his side. Trying not to let the panic overtake him (Merlin, how could he have been so _stupid_? Had he not spent _months_ among the werewolves, had he not _heard_ and _seen_ the results of such a loss of control?), he leaned forward, carefully tilting her succulent (No, wrong word, _definitely_ wrong word... Merlin, he'd spent _way_ too much time around Greyback...) body away from him, eyes searching for any hint of savaging. Not a scratch on her, not a scratch on her, thank _Merlin_... (Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid to the n-th degree!...)

Long lashes fluttered open, and drowsy blue eyes slowly focused on him as she mumbled sleepily, "You, Professor Lupin, need to stop thinking and worrying so much. Go back to sleep." And with that, she snuggled back down into the blankets, closing her eyes again.

Sighing with unabashed relief, Remus decided to just shut off his brain for a while, settling down again to enjoy the nearness and the smell and the goodness of her.

Her cheeks were flushed with the night's passions, lips deliriously well-kissed and perfect pink nipples still reddened and looking rather deliciously tempting at the moment...

"Go back to sleep, Remus," she murmured with a yawn, though she nestled down comfortably into his chest at his touch.

***

She woke up not long after he'd fallen asleep again. Propping herself up slightly on her elbows, she watched his face, more at peace than she'd ever seen it before, and wondered how any woman could resist such a man.

Tonks pulled herself lightly over him, leaning in to start trailing a path with her tongue across his neck, edging carefully past the bite scar she knew he was so self-conscious of and down his collarbone until she'd reached his chest. Just before she could close her lips around a nipple, however, she could feel him arouse against her, every muscle tensing. Briefly, she hesitated, considering her options.

"Don't you even dare," Remus' drowsy warning came from above, even as she simply grinned at him and went downward.

***

When he next awoke, it was because:

A – The sun was out and brightly shining through the crack in her curtains straight into his eyes.

B – She was awake and playing with his hair, running her fingers through it lightly and succeeding in an almost tickling sensation speeding through his scalp.

"Stop it," he grumbled sleepily. He tried to shield his eyes from the sun to get the focus back in them, a task made difficult by her constant playful interference. "Stop it, for Merlin's sake, Tonks..." he growled as she laughed and ducked in to nuzzle her nose against his again, her lashes tickling his cheek. Tiny, featherlight kisses were landing along his jawline.

Even as he let her continue, he could feel his brain kicking into high gear again and the excuses and reasonings and the fear and the pain come rushing back.

"Brain _off_, Remus," she said sternly just as she closed her lips onto his, a certain degree of pleading in the urgency of that kiss. "You think too much."

Sighing, he acquiesced again. What was the use in refusing her? She'd simply wile and beguile her way back.

She gave him a delighted smile, eyes sparkling as she returned to her morning teasing. Pinned back down by her upper body, balancing herself, the sun returned to plague his eyes. "Merlin, Tonks, stop it," he groaned, trying to reach around her with one hand to block the sun, the other gently pushing her face away.

She laughed again, pink locks of hair falling into her dare-filled eyes. "What are you going to do, professor? Give me detention?" She paused, grinning at him with the wily smile of a young woman who knows she's won. "Make me write lines?"

***

He had barely realized it when a week had passed and he was still there. It was a little disturbing to think of, to realize how far she had worked her way into his heart in a matter of days. It was unsettling to think that he could not imagine life continuing without her, yet knowing that life could not continue _with _her.

Remus woke up the morning of Dumbledore's funeral well after she did, for once. He could hear her radio playing something she insisted was 'good music' out in the kitchen – quietly, thank Merlin, her neighbours had probably complained about the noise already this morning – and figured he should probably go out there and rescue her from herself before she burnt down the entire block.

"Oh, look who's finally dragged himself out of bed!" she said brightly, passing him a mug of coffee and a bowl of cereal. "I won't inflict my cooking on you yet," she laughed, taking a quick sip from his coffee.

"But you _will_ drink my coffee," he replied dryly.

"If you'll notice, I even put your cream and sugar in there, even though that wrecks the whole coffee experience," she pointed out.

"All hail the coffee queen," Remus laughed, taking a mouthful of coffee. "Have you eaten yet?"

"Yeah, I've learnt to eat when I can, between the Aurors and the Order, I barely ever get a regular schedule," Tonks said with a slight smile.

"So that's why you're only, like, twenty pounds," Remus teased briefly, eating a spoonful of cereal. As he registered the slender, warm body slipping beneath his arm and snagging his spoon, he shook his head. "I thought you said you ate already."

"I'm still hungry," she shrugged, swallowing her spoonful. "You eating much more of that?"

"Yes, I've only had a spoon. Go find your own."

He shook his head when she snagged one more spoonful of his cereal and then went to get changed for the funeral. If she had been anybody else but her, this last week most likely wouldn't have happened. Sarah hadn't even managed to monopolize his heart, attention and affections so completely.

Sighing, Remus finished his breakfast and headed back towards the bedroom. "Tonks, you almost ready to go?" he called.

"Remus, you really need to find a better name to call me than Tonks if we're going to keep on like this," she called back. "And you can't call me Nymphadora."

And for a second, a fleeting second, he could see this being a daily occurrence for the rest of his life.

Maybe there was something to James' often-flawed logic: _Mate, they're not kidding about that 'for better or for worse' part. Actually, they should more rightly call it the 'for worse or for better' part, because I swear it's about 85 percent worse and 15 percent better. But when that 15 hits... it all makes up for the other 85._


	2. Why Don't You Ever Say That You Love Me?

_**Chapter 2: "Why don't you ever say that you love me, Remus?"**_

_July 12, 1997_

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid to the n-th degree. _Why_ did she make him feel like the stupidest person on this planet? Possibly because some of the _stupidest_ things he'd ever done in his life were thanks to her...

Merlin, but she made this stupidity so addictive...

"Remus, you're thinking too hard again," she murmured, those bewitching blue eyes watching from beside him as the sun rose on another morning in Cheswick. "Stop thinking like that, you make me nervous."

He sighed as she reached across to lace her fingers through his, the cool sensation of her new ring still unfamiliar against the skin which had grown so accustomed to having her. Without hesitation, he closed his hand around hers, eyes seemingly glued to her. She had been so quiet lately, so very _un_-Dora of her. Just the other day he'd found her sitting up on one of the branches in the oak tree outside,watching the wind blowing through the wheat fields with a sort of quiet desperation in her eyes.

She looked back at him for a moment, then said softly, "Knut for your thoughts."

"Galleon for yours," he returned.

She sighed and nestled up against his chest, tucking her head beneath his chin as she murmured, "I... I think I might be pregnant, Remus."

Any shutting down his brain might have been doing, stopped at that sentence and went into full-throttle reverse.

"Remus?"

"Y-y-you what?" he managed to ask hoarsely.

"I think so, but I'm not sure..." she whispered, tightening her grip on his hand. "Remus? Remus, can you please say something?"

But he couldn't even speak.

***

They skirted around the topic and each other for a number of days: she mysteriously found unfinished reports and overtime shifts at work and he conveniently found his time preoccupied with the Order's plans for extracting Harry.

But on the eve of the full moon the following week, they couldn't avoid it any longer.

"Remus," she said hesitantly, as he was pulling a weary hand through his hair, watching the setting sun.

"Make it quick, please, Dora," he sighed.

"Remus, it's for certain now," she told him quietly. She saw only the slightest of paling to his face, advancing to quickly pull his face down for a lingering kiss. "I'll see you in the morning. I love you..." She trailed off, an awkward, hopeful silence filling the room before he returned the kiss briefly and then left rapidly.

***

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid to the n-th degree!, Remus cursed himself as he disappeared down the well-known path to the isolated shack he had locked himself in for the past twenty years of full moons. How could he have been that stupid? How could he have been stupid enough to let that become a possibility? Merlin, he must be the stupidest man on the planet... stupid, stupid, _stupid_...

***

Stupid, stupid, _stupid_, why had she told him _then_, why hadn't she waited until tomorrow morning, when he would be groggy, bleary, unable to really think straight?, Tonks cursed herself as she dropped to the couch, angrily swiping at her face as a tear escaped. Why did this whole marriage-thing need to be so difficult? Well, maybe it wasn't the marriage-thing, maybe it was just the marriage-to-a-stupidly-chivalrous-self-sacrificing-werewolf-thing. Damn Gryffindors, the Auror Office was littered with them, you'd think she'd be used to it by now.

Sighing, she curled up on the couch, pulling the blanket over herself. Sunrise would come soon enough.

***

He had barely registered the sound of the door unlocking and swinging open slowly. Pain fogged his mind, sleeplessness held him captive, blood loss made him weak, the vestiges of a particularly bad full moon sent him into delirium. He could hardly make out the soft voice of the indistinct figure entering, couldn't see the face at all.

Light, gentle fingers, feminine fingers, were brushing his hair away from his face. A cloth gently dabbed at his wounded face, carefully aiming away from the exposed flesh of vicious slashes. It still stung, as droplets of water found their way into the cuts.

He could barely distinguish a soft "Sorry, Remus," when he inhaled sharply and tensed at the pain. Flinching away from her touch, Remus could hear her voice again, her words indistinct and trembling...

_"Moony. Moony, old boy, stay awake," came James' soft order. "My stupid Healer wife's going to kill me if she sees you passed out."_

_Remus groaned something incoherent even to himself, stirring slightly as he heard the whoosh of the Floo network. Moments later, he could feel Lily's steady, skilled hands begin treating his wounds, her voice low and gentle as she kept talking to him, Sirius and James about all the mischief Harry had kept her up with last night._

_"And I mean, he's not even born yet, so one can only imagine what will happen when he's old enough to make real mischief..." Lily continued, pressing particularly hard on a bigger slice. "Sorry, Remus, I know it hurts," she added apologetically. "Merlin, what _were_ you four up to last night, battling Voldemort? Sarah, pass me that bag there."_

_Her voice was indistinct and trembled slightly._

_"Sarah, the bag!"_

_"Well, if you're not going to be useful, Sarah, then leave," he heard Sirius snap in exasperation. "Here, Lily."_

***

He woke up again to her worried blue eyes, warm body nestled up against him. He barely recalled stumbling back to the house, barely recalled giving her a halfhearted greeting, couldn't recall making it to the bedroom, though he must've somehow.

"You feeling any better?" she asked softly, twirling a lock of his hair around her finger. "You looked pretty out of it when you came back in."

"Mmm," Remus said in reply, kissing her lightly. "Sorry."

"Oh, s'okay," she murmured back. "Remus, I'm sorry about springing that on you last night, it was really sort of stupid of me..."

"Can we just... not talk, just for a bit?" Remus asked softly, nudging her nose slightly. "Please?"

***

Tonks sighed as she snuggled closer into his side, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. Why did she feel like she gave and gave and gave some more, and yet she wasn't getting anything in return? Cuddles and kisses were all very well, but all she wanted was three (well, maybe four) simple little words, no more than five letters apiece.

So why was it so hard for him to say those words?

"Remus," she murmured softly, just as he was about to doze off again.

"Hmm?"

"Why don't you ever say that you love me, Remus?"

***

He didn't answer, eyes still drifting shut in exhaustion again. But she saw the slight glowing strand hovering at his temple and pounced on it, carefully so as not to disturb him in his sleep. Settling down comfortably against his side again, she thought momentarily that she really ought to smack herself for taking advantage of him like this, but curiosity overrode any sense of ethics and morality.

***

She landed outside the Leaky Cauldron. Looking around, she took in the outdated clothings, the signs of shops long since passed on, and how people still hustled back and forth nervously, though they still appeared to have relative confidence in the security of Diagon Alley.

"Oi!" came a familiar, long-missed voice from behind her, and Tonks whirled around to see Sirius, hair shorter than it was when she knew him, and looking even younger than her, waving frantically at somebody down the alley. On his arm was a dark-haired young woman, a laugh escaping as she scolded,

"Sirius, honestly, you're about seven years old!"

"Six and a half, actually, love," Sirius replied with a grin, waving once more. "Hey, Lupin, you deaf?" he hollered.

"You keep yelling at me like that, I will be," came Remus' voice from nearby as he surfaced from the crowds, a gorgeous young brunette being pulled along and out by the hand. Tonks felt the first real twinge of jealousy in her life hit her as she watched Remus and the stranger join Sirius and the other girl. "Where's James and Lily and Peter?"

He looked sick, she thought worriedly, aware that it was completely ridiculous and useless to worry in a memory. He looked as though it was the day of full moon – which it probably was.

"Slave-boy is powerless against the whims of his pregnant mistress," Sirius laughed. "Lily sent James off on a crazy mission to find some weird Muggle concoction that Tom hasn't the faintest idea how to make. She and Peter are both inside already. Hey, Sarah, how's the day?"

The brunette laughed. "Well, if somebody wasn't such a noble-hearted Gryffindor and had stayed at home to sleep off this flu like I told him to..."

"I'm honestly not that bad, Sarah, really," Remus protested, squeezing her hand slightly.

"You look terrible, Remus, honest," Sirius' female ornament (yeah, Tonks felt no remorse about the viciousness of her thoughts about these two) said earnestly. "You really ought to go home."

"I'm fine, Fiona, really," Remus repeated.

"Hey, why don't you girls go in and catch up with Lily, and we'll wait out here for James to get back?" Sirius suggested. His suggestion was met with agreements from Fiona and Sarah, who both ducked into the Leaky Cauldron without further ado.

"You told her you had the flu?" Sirius asked in a low voice, rolling his eyes at Remus. "Merlin, Remus, you can't come up with better stories after how many years of these?"

"Well, I haven't had to make up stories since first year, remember? Lily swallowed the 'ill' excuse every time at school," Remus said tiredly, leaning back against the bricks with a brief hand to his forehead. "Any of you coming out tonight?"

"Yeah, James told Lily that we're all on night duty tonight for the Order," Sirius muttered, pausing when he caught sight of something in the distance. Moments later, Remus seemed to have spotted it as well, and a young man who looked too much like Harry not to be James appeared. "Hey, I see your mission was unsuccessful."

"Damn Muggle money, didn't have any changed," James grumbled. "How much longer?"

"Three," Sirius replied reassuringly, slinging an arm around James' shoulders.

"Hours?"

"Months," Remus said with a slight smile. "You'll survive."

"Remus is struck with the flu, don't go near him," Sirius advised with a grin. "C'mon, I want to see the fireworks."

"Remus, you can't think of a more creative story than that?" James asked with a laugh, giving Remus a slight push on the shoulder. "How much longer are you planning on lying to her, any way?"

"For as long as I can," Remus replied quietly. "I noticed you're still lying to Lily."

"Not my truth to unveil, mate," James said.

"C'mon, before they come out here," Sirius sighed.

***

As she watched the small knot of young adults laughing and talking, Tonks realized for the first time that she was seeing _very_ different people than the ones she would meet fifteen years later. Though she had seen ghosts, glimmers of the younger Sirius and Remus during that first year in the Order, she had never seen them looking quite so... unbothered, unfazed, comfortable with their situation. There was none of the reckless, restless energy in Sirius, almost none of the caution and careful thought she had come to associate with her husband.

It was interesting to watch in a way, and sad in another. To watch the laughing young James and the beautiful young Lily, knowing that they barely had a year and a half left to live... to watch them with Peter, knowing he would betray them all... to watch Sirius so cheerful, knowing that by this time, in a year and a half, he'd be in Azkaban for a crime he never committed... to watch Remus, Fiona and Sarah, who obviously truly believed that this was how it would be forever...

"Sirius, isn't that your cousin over there?" Fiona asked, pointing towards the far corner of the restaurant.

"Me, cousins? I have no cousins," Sirius replied with a hint of bitterness. "I've been disowned, remember?" Regardless, he looked in the direction she was pointing. "Oh, I _do_ have that cousin. Oi! Annie!"

"Oh, no way..." Tonks groaned to herself as she saw her younger parents weaving through the tables, her seven-year-old self dragging along behind them. Evidently she'd won the battle of the hair today, since it was very, _very_ blue.

"Mum, you _promised_ we would go to Fortescue's..."

"In a moment, Nymphadora. Honestly, child, you have all the patience of a Black," her mother said tiredly. "Hello, Sirius." Andromeda hugged him tightly.

Sirius laughed as he returned the hug briefly. "Your kid has blue hair."

"I know, isn't it great?" Tonks' child self replied eagerly. "Spent all morning getting it just right."

The table all burst into laughter along with her father as Andromeda moaned, "I am the _only_ person in the world with a blue-haired seven-year-old."

***

Tonks nearly lost her balance as the scene swirled and changed. She recognized the new surroundings: the inside of their house – more specifically, their sitting room. The sun was beginning to set, and it was evident now more than before that it was full moon. Remus was clearly trying to tactfully kick Sarah out.

"And you _swear_ that you'll go straight to sleep?" Sarah said doubtfully. "No gallivanting about with the boys?"

"I swear, Sarah dearest, straight to sleep," Remus said, ducking in briefly to kiss her cheek with a slight smile.

"No, don't pass your germs on to me," Sarah scolded, dodging him. "I'm serious, Remus, go to sleep and leave James and Sirius and Peter be for tonight. The last thing you need is to get sick again from running around outside all night."

"Why would I be running around outside?" Remus asked reasonably, a brief flicker of his eyes in the direction of the window. "It's full moon –" Pausing when he seemed to realize what he'd said, he quickly added, "I mean, that's begging for Fenrir Greyback to come attack. You'd best get home, Sarah."

"Oh, all right," Sarah said in mock defeat. "I love you."

"Love you too, Sarah," he returned easily.

Smiling at him, she kissed his cheek lightly and then left through the front, Disapparating at the border. There came laughing and a retching sound from the kitchen.

"Oh, Merlin, I thought she'd never leave," Sirius said. "C'mon, Moony, we've got about twenty minutes to get there."

"You really would make your life a whole lot easier if you'd just tell her the truth," James commented as the four young men disappeared out the back door.

"I could say the same thing to you," Remus returned.

***

The scene changed into their master bedroom. Whirling around to try and locate her young husband, she spotted him barely conscious on the bed. Peter and Sirius were both frantically trying to stem a serious wound in his neck, James' panicked voice out in the kitchen.

"Damn it, Remus, if you think you're sticking me with sentry duty tomorrow night, you're the stupidest prefect there ever was," Sirius growled, a clear scared tone in his voice. "Stay awake, damn it, Remus!"

James reentered the room at that moment, saying rapidly to Sirius, "Lily's on her way." He joined his friends up on the bed, taking Sirius' spot as the young Black pulled away his bloodied hands. "Moony. Moony, old boy, stay awake," he ordered gently. "My stupid Healer wife's going to kill me if she sees you passed out."

Remus mumbled something in return and worriedly (knowing full well it was for no reason – obviously he'd survived), Tonks climbed up on the bed to try and brush her fingers through his sweaty hair, aching to beg him to hold on, to be strong, to tell that he would be all right. But her fingers passed right through his head, Lily's body quickly passing through her own.

"Peter, let go, let me do this," she ordered quietly, but firmly. Gratefully, Peter backed off, going to wash off his hands as Sirius and James both cast worried glances at each other. "Remus. Remus, open your eyes, look at me. Listen to me. You're going to be all right." That being said, Lily launched into a rather disturbingly cheerful, humourous recounting of her night. It seemed to consist of a lot of late-night karate from Harry.

It was clear to Tonks that the red-haired young woman knew what she was doing, and she was good at it. She had taken care of the major gash first, magicking multiple thick gauze bandages to maintain pressure while she continued on to other injuries, still chatting as though they were having a cup of tea.

"And I mean, he's not even born yet, so one can only imagine what it'll be like when he's old enough to cause real mischief," Lily laughed, expertly closing a wider gash on his temple with a firm pinch and soliciting a gasp of pain. "I'm sorry, Remus, I know it hurts. Merlin, what _were_ you four up to last night, battling Voldemort?"

She didn't know either, Tonks realized as she looked at the young Healer. She had no idea what her friend was, and yet she treated his suspicious wounds without question. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sarah appear in the doorway, her face paling at the sight of Remus.

"Sarah, pass me that bag there," Lily said briskly, looking over briefly.

Still in the doorway, Sarah shook her head, seeming to be in shock. "What the hell happened?" she asked softly, her voice trembling. "He was supposed to be sleeping that flu off..."

"Sarah, the bag!" Lily said sharply. "Never mind what he was doing, give me my damn bag!"

"If you're not going to be useful, Sarah, then leave!" Sirius snapped, stalking over and grabbing Lily's bag from the doorway. "Here, Lily."

Quietly, with a slightly apologetic look at Sarah, James got up and shut the door in her face. "I told you that you ought to have told her, Moony," he murmured.

"Dunlekshme," Remus slurred, stirring slightly. Tonks bit back the laugh: count on Remus to grouse about being in the wrong for once. 'Don't lecture me', yeah right. One always had to pounce on the rare chance to lecture Remus.

"What's going on?" Lily asked softly, looking at James as she finished treating Remus' wounds. "And don't give me that nonsense story about being on night duty for Dumbledore. What were you _really_ doing last night?"

Silence reigned for a moment, until Remus managed to wave his hand in a resigned sort of 'go ahead' fashion.

"We were staying with Remus for full moon," Sirius said quietly.

"For full – " Lily started to ask with a frown, before it clicked. "Since when?" she asked incredulously. "Don't tell me Severus actually got something right for once! And what the hell were you thinking, staying the night?" she snapped at James. "Merlin, I mean, I know you both have an adrenaline addiction, but that's downright stupid, not to mention dangerous and suicidal!" She looked at her husband briefly, taking in the scratches and cuts on his face, and the torn sleeve of his robe, where what looked like a serious bite mark was visible. "Oh, Merlin, James, you're an idiot!" she raged. "You got bit!"

"I did?" James asked blankly for a second, then looking down at his arm. "Oh, I did get bit, look at that."

"Aw, he's done worse to you, that's tame compared to sixth year," Sirius commented, starting to relax now that it was evident Remus would pull through. "Think we did more damage to him last night than he did to us."

"You think?" Peter asked dryly.

"What the hell is going on?" Lily demanded angrily. "What the hell are you three talking about now? You just damn got bit by a werewolf, James!"

"Lily, stop yelling," Remus managed to groan, trying to sit up. "They're –" His words were interrupted by the door swinging open again, and his face blanched. "Sarah."

Tonks tore her eyes away from his face to look at the other girl in the doorway. She was just as pale as Lily now was, but her face betrayed none of the same riled confusion. Rather, her expression was one Tonks recognized easily: the look most people gave them as they passed, the look of disgust and contempt.

They stared at each other for a moment, and then Sarah turned back around. The front door opened and closed moments later.

***

The scene changed again, and they were back in Diagon Alley. It was a bright sunny summer's day, judging by the hustle and bustle at Fortescue's, and Remus was sitting at one of the tables outside, his eyes focused on the _Prophet _in front of him. He seemed quieter than he had been before, his eyes had darker circles underneath them, and they looked to be tinged with red.

"Hey, old boy, how's it going?" Sirius greeted cheerily, emerging from the crowds and dropping carelessly into one of the chairs next to Remus. "Oi! Paper Boy, say hello like a polite little prefect." He snapped his fingers in front of Remus' face. "Helloooo? Remus..."

"Sirius, you're about ten years old," James laughed as he came onto the patio, carrying what must've been the newborn Harry in his arms.

"Six and a half, according to Fiona, but enough about women," Sirius said dismissively. "They're the scum of the universe, except for yours."

"And yours."

"Oi, Remus, you going to join the conversation?" Sirius asked.

"Aw, just take his Prophet away, he'll be sociable then," James replied, reaching over with his free hand to tug away the paper.

"Oi, oi, oi, I wasn't done with that!" Remus exclaimed, making a snatch for it.

"It lives!" James and Sirius both exclaimed in unison. "It makes social contact!"

"Still doesn't look us in the eye, but it's a start," James said happily.

"No more Prophet. Time for real people, Remus," Sirius said stoutly, tucking the paper away.  
Remus sighed heavily and set his chin into the palms of his hand. "I've had enough of real people for a while."

"Ah, got sacked again, did you?" Sirius said wisely. "What was the reason this time?"

"Somebody let it slip," Remus replied bitterly.

"Oh, look, it's the queen of bitches herself," James said in contempt, not even attempting to disguise the malevolence in his voice. Harry started crying right then, and James was quickly occupying himself with the newborn when Sarah appeared at the table – pointedly ignoring Remus, but in return being pointedly ignored by Sirius and James.

"So Lily's had the baby, then?" she ventured warily. "I was sort of worried when I hadn't gotten any owls... when was he born?"

There was the slightest raising of James' and Sirius' eyebrows, though James was still focusing on Harry, and Sirius was passing him a bottle from the bag sitting between them.

Tonks could almost see the hatred solidifying, as Sarah said uncomfortably, "Well, I'd best be off then." As she brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes, Tonks caught sight of a sparkling diamond ring on her finger.

Talk about a slap to the face.

"Bitch," James muttered under his breath as she left quickly.

She could see Remus' eyes follow her path down the alley, until Sirius pushed his head back around with the butt of his wand. "Not worth it, Remus."

"She was never good enough for you," James added, looking back up from Harry.

"Don't _you_ sound like Lily," Remus said softly, eyes still following Sarah's retreating figure from around the other shoulder.

James shrugged and prodded Remus' head back with his own wand. "Every once in a while, the woman talks sense."

"Never thought she was good enough for you, mate," Sirius said loftily. "Better off without her, I say."

"Find a real girl," James agreed with a nod.

"No," Remus sighed, gaze dropping back down to the table. "No, I've learnt my lesson."

James and Sirius exchanged a frustrated look and then Sirius dumped the _Daily Prophet_ back in front of Remus. "Read your paper."

"Makes real life seem like a right laugh," James agreed.

***

Tonks emerged from the memory a little shaken. Fighting back an enormous yawn, she traced a light finger across his prematurely-lined face. "Remus..."

"What?" Remus asked sleepily as he stirred, eyes squinting in the light.

"I'm sorry," she said, leaning in to kiss him. "Can we just start all over? I really mucked it up, Remus..."

"You really want to go through the whole last year again?" he murmured with a slight smile.

"Well, no, just the last month or so..." she replied.

"Why?" he asked, propping himself up on his elbows.

"I don't know," she lied vaguely. "I just think maybe I've been too prying lately."

Remus looked at her for a moment. "You're a terrible liar, Dora."

"Fine, I lied," she grumbled.

He laughed slightly, pulling her in for a kiss. "Darling, ask me anything at all and I will answer it to the best of my abilities."

"Really?" Tonks asked warily.

"Really," Remus repeated. "Anything for you."

"All right," she said, folding her arms across his chest. "So you never did answer me the last question I asked."

"Which was?" Remus prompted. "Memory's still a little blurry, darling, can't remember much of the last thirty-six hours."

"Why you've never said that you love me," Tonks answered.

There was surprised silence for a second, before he said, "Of all the loaded questions in this world..."

"You said you'd answer," she reminded him.

"Yes, I know," he replied, as he slid an arm around her waist comfortably. "I suppose..." he began with a sigh. "I suppose because the only one I've ever gotten the guts to say it to ended up souring the words in my mouth."

"And who might that have been?" she asked softly.

He sighed again. "I'd rather not discuss that. Let's just say she wasn't the person I thought she was." Remus' lips pressed against her forehead lightly. "All for the best, any way. Just took me about fifteen years to figure that out."

Tonks nestled back down into his side, waiting patiently. Finally, he continued.

"Her name was Sarah..."


	3. What Do You Want Me To Do, Remus?

_Sections of this chapter are adapted from Chapter 4, "Fallen Warrior" in __Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows__._

_**Chapter 3: "What do you want me to do, Remus?"**_

"Dora, come on, we're going to be late!" Remus called desperately, trying to calm his nerves as he paced around the kitchen. "Dora!" He gave her exactly 3.2 seconds to answer, then went and opened the door to the bathroom.

She really didn't look all that well, he thought worriedly as he watched his young wife fussing over her hair.

"Dora, I want you to stay home tonight," he murmured.

"No, I have to come, Mad-Eye'll kill us both if we throw off this plan," she replied quickly. "I'm fine, Remus, really," she insisted, kissing his cheek. "I've worked feeling worse."

"Then I want you to be extra careful tonight, darling," he returned. "Come on. Mad-Eye'll kill us both if we're late, and somehow I don't think he cares whether the pink in your hair is leaning more to rose than to fuchsia."

She laughed and let him pull her out. "No, that's true, he doesn't. I do, though..."

***

"_Sectumsempra_!"

"George!" Remus yelled frantically, catching the young man before he tumbled a hundred feet to his death in the streets below.

"My ear, my ear!" George screamed in pain, hand compulsively gripping Remus'. "Oh, Merlin, it hurts!"

"Hang on!" Remus yelled again, firing an angry return curse in Snape's general direction before he pulled George back onto the broom. "George, hold on tightly!"

"Merlin, I can't, I can't!"

"Do it!" Remus howled at him, dodging another curse as he sped as fast as possible towards Kingsley's house. "Damn it, George, if I have to stop this broom and tie you on, I will _not_ be a happy man!"

George didn't answer, and Remus could feel his weight slipping back off again and his shaky grip slacking on the back of his robes.

"In the name of all that is holy in this world..." Remus groaned.

***

She wasn't back yet. She wasn't back yet, and she was supposed to have been back first... hardly anybody was back...

This wasn't supposed to be happening.

She should've stayed home, he should've forced her into staying home, she wasn't well, if she'd been caught unguarded and killed... oh, Merlin, he was too old for this.

His breath caught in his throat as he saw a distant figure in the sky.

"It's them!" Hermione screamed from beside him. And the most beautiful sight he could've ever seen materialized in front of him in a shower of earth and pebbles as the broom crashed into the ground.

He couldn't even speak as she staggered to her feet and almost fell into his waiting arms, crying his name with such relief that he thought his heart might break from the pain. Tightening his arms around her, he could feel a few tears soak into his bloodied robes.

"Are you all right?" came her soft, trembling question against his chest. "Are you hurt, what's all this blood?" Briefly, she stopped to congratulate Ron on a job well done and that was long enough for him to regain the capability of speech.

"So what kept you? What happened?" he demanded, a twinge of anger making its way into his voice.

"Bellatrix," she replied, reaching for his hand. "She wants me quite as much as she wants Harry, Remus, she tried very hard to kill me."

His heart stopped. How had he not seen this coming, how had he not seen the danger he'd put her in as a result of their marriage? Of course Bellatrix wanted her dead now, she was a smear to the family name...

Her eyes latched onto his and he could see the uncertainty in them, her fear and vain hope. He nodded briefly, just to reassure her for a moment.

***

He couldn't berate her. Not tonight. Not while she was in such pain from Mad-Eye's death.

"Shh, shh, darling, it's all right, I'm here," he whispered soothingly, rocking her gently. "It's all right, we're both fine... George'll pull through... Mad-Eye went the way he wanted to go..."

With her head buried into his shoulder, she shook her head and muffled her words against his neck. Sighing slightly, Remus lifted her into his arms and carried her back to bed, getting her changed into her pyjamas and tucking the blankets in around her as she fell into a fitful sleep. "Go to sleep, Dora," he said softly, as her grip on his sleeve tightened. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

"Stay with me," she pleaded.

"I'll be right there," he reassured her as he pulled off his robes and changed into pyjamas. Then he slipped under the covers and nestled her body securely against him, laying gentle kisses against the exposed skin of her neck. "There we go. I'm here. Go to sleep, darling, please..."

"I saw him go down," she murmured. "I saw him go down and I was glad it wasn't you... and then I saw Snape go after you and George..." Her hand slid into his own, pulling it down to her stomach.

"Calm down," he whispered against her neck. "Calm down, I'm right here."

***

She was still fast asleep the next morning when he woke up – at the crack of dawn, no less. Carefully, he eased himself away from her, getting out of bed as silently as possible to avoid waking her. He pulled on some robes and went out into the kitchen to make some coffee.

Pouring a cup once it was brewed, Remus slid into a chair at the kitchen table to mull things over. He hadn't really had the time or the heart to rethink his reasoning in the last month. These were the times he craved James and Lily and Sirius the most: people he had trusted to let him reason and then confirm or dispel that reasoning. As a rule, Remus knew he didn't deal well on his own for decision-making. He needed somebody to sound off against. He had done all right for himself until James and Lily's death, Sirius' incarceration. That had been when his life had gone rapidly downhill. He kept wavering back and forth between being confident in his own capabilities and worth, and being controlled by the prejudice that ruled his life.

So what to do about the situation he now found himself in? He couldn't convince himself that everything had been a lie. It was real. It was all too terrifyingly real: the love, the marriage, the child. The backlash, the poverty, the prejudice. Maybe it had been his former life that had been the fantasy: his former life as a Marauder, the life when he had been accepted and loved as one of the group. _This_, this was real. This was now, and this was costing the woman he loved far too much. One day... one day the cost would be too high and she'd be gone, just like Sarah had been.

Maybe he was meant to love, but never to be loved. And on that sober note, Remus saw her come wandering into the kitchen, yawning enormously as she rubbed at her eyes. "Hey," he greeted quietly, barely cracking a smile when she yawned again and sank down onto his lap, pulling his untouched toast towards herself. "You all right?" She nodded slightly, taking a bite of the toast.

"I will be," she replied softly, as he kissed the back of her neck

***

And sure enough, a fortnight later, she had recovered her laughing, cheery self. Personally, Remus was a little glad for the return of crashes punctuated by swearing in the kitchen and Sturgisverld (whatever the hell _that_ was) blaring in the sitting room. It had been a pretty dark and gloomy house with both of them depressed.

She woke him up the day of Harry's birthday by teasing him unmercifully, her fingers trailing aimless paths across his shoulders, her lips delivering soft, flitting kisses to his face as her warm lithe body slid over his. "Remus..." she whispered. "Remus, wake up."

"Would you stop it?" he grumbled drowsily, pulling his face away.

Laughing, she persisted. "What, so you don't want to go to Harry's birthday then? Just going to be a grumpy laze-about all day?"

"Stop it, Dora, or I swear I'll..." Remus growled, trying to bury his face into his pillow. She laughed again and nudged her nose against his neck.

"You'll what, Remus?" she asked. "Give me detention? Make me write lines? 'I will not torment Professor Lupin into consciousness. I will not torment Professor Lupin into consciousness...'" she continued, whispering the mock lines into his ear.

"Merlin, you are definitely related to Sirius," he grumbled, sitting up reluctantly. "Fine, there, see? I'm up."

"What, Sirius would do this?" she asked. "Remus, that was way more information than I really needed to know."

"Don't be disgusting. I was merely commenting on the uncanny similarity in your methods." Remus sighed. "He, too, had a habit of waking me by the most annoying means possible. It usually involved poking and prodding and a few jinxes for good measure." He yawned as he managed to swing himself out of bed. "C'mon, then, we're going to the Burrow, right?"

***

"Is that Scrimgeour coming up this way?" Bill asked, looking up from his dinner. "Wonder what he's here for."

"That's not good," Tonks murmured softly. "Remus…"

"Okay, we have to go, sorry," Remus said rapidly, pulling her to her feet. "Come on, let's get out of here before he arrives," he muttered to her quickly.

Once arrived back at the house, she sighed in frustration. "This is stupid. This is so completely and utterly stupid. How is it that he shows up uninvited and _we _have to leave, even though _we_ were the ones invited? What the hell is Scrimgeour doing at the Burrow, anyway?"

"I don't know, Dora," Remus replied quietly, focusing his attention on the newspaper in his hand as he slid back into his chair at the kitchen table. "But get used to it. Remember? Your social status went through the floor when you married me."

"Remus…" she grumbled.

***

"Are you just about ready, Dora?" Remus sighed from the doorway. "I swear, you've spent the entire morning in front of that mirror."

"Hey, being beautiful takes time, all right?" she said with a slight smile. "Tell me I look beautiful," she ordered lightly, as she took his arm and wrapped it around her waist. "Well?" she paused expectantly.

Sighing again, Remus leaned in and laid a soft kiss on her lips. "Absolutely stunning, Dora. Now come on, please?"

And she did – she did look absolutely radiant: her face was glowing, her eyes were sparkling, and he didn't think he'd ever seen her hair that vibrantly-coloured. And it killed him to know that the reason she was so happy was the worst possible thing that could've ever happened to her. He could see in her eyes, hear it in her voice, feel it in the way she would wrap his arm around her waist. It was as if she was pleading with him to feel the same way she did about this, when she had no idea what sort of pain the baby was going to inflict on her, had no idea the sort of torture he would be subjecting his own child to.

"Would you please just try and smile for once today?" she asked softly as she pulled away. "Merlin, you act as if it's a funeral." He knew as well as she did that she wasn't talking about Bill and Fleur.

"Let's go," he said abruptly. "We're going to be late."

***

"Come on," he said urgently, holding onto her wand arm as the guests began dispersing in near panic after Kingsley's message. "You're going to your parents'."

"Remus, I am a full-grown adult, I am perfectly capable of – " she started to protest as he Disapparated, forcing her to come along with him.

"I know you are," he replied as they landed just outside of Ted and Andromeda's property. "Doesn't make a difference. You're still going to your parents'. This topic is not open for discussion."

"Like every other topic in your damn life?" Tonks demanded angrily. "Damn it, Remus, I'm sick of this dance! Would you just get whatever's been bothering you out so we can move forward with this?"

"You know exactly what's been bothering me, Dora," Remus replied quietly, warning in his voice.

"Well, what the hell do you want me to do about it _now_, Remus?" she exploded. "It's a little late for second thoughts!" She waited for a moment while he rubbed his temples wearily. "Well? What do you want me to do, Remus?"

Remus sighed. "I want you to go inside and explain the situation to your parents. I have to go."

Her face paled just a little bit. "Remus…" she said softly. "Remus, don't do this."

"Go inside, Dora," he repeated gently, tracing his thumb over her lips lightly before he kissed her. "I love you."

***

And as he took off into the darkening night, he could feel himself leaving a piece of himself behind, firmly attached to wild blue eyes and pink hair, and nestled safely inside a lithe body he swore he could feel undergoing changes.

Hopefully one day she'd forgive him for what he'd done to her.


	4. Where Have You Been, Remus?

**Chapter 4: "Where have you been, Remus?"**

He couldn't believe he'd just done that. Lily would've smacked his head clean off his shoulders, to say nothing about what James and Sirius would've done. What had possessed him, to _curse_ Harry? The kid had inherited James' oft-irritating habit of speaking the truth of a matter, in the most blunt and unflattering way possible. And he'd responded to it in exactly the same way he would've had it been James speaking it. After all those years of telling himself that he couldn't treat Harry the way he had treated James, after all those years of telling Sirius the same thing…

"_Remus, you're being an idiot,"_ James' voice raged in his mind.

'Well, what am I _supposed_ to do?' Remus demanded the voice angrily, not expecting an answer.

"_Stop being so selfish, Remus!" _Sirius hissed. _"Not everything in this world has to be about you and what you think should happen!"_

'I'm not being _selfish_,' Remus protested. 'Merlin, I _wish_ I could just pretend like nothing's _wrong_!'

"_The only place anything is wrong, Remus, is in your own mind,"_ Lily's voice cut in softly. _"You're the only person who can control your life. You can't control idiots like Sarah, and you can't control the morons who make discriminating remarks. There is nothing _wrong_ with you."_

'But there _is_,' Remus insisted futilely. 'There has to be. What sentient creature is this masochistic?'

"_Oh, shut up already, Remus,"_ came James' scornful remark. _"Face it, you're stuck with us, whether you think you deserve it or not."_

"_Nobody likes listening to the Poor Remus Show,"_ Sirius agreed.

Shaking his head to rid himself of the ghostly echoes of his friends' voices, Remus dropped to the curb in some unknown street.

"_Merlin, Remus, how many times do I have to tell you?"_ her frustrated voice pierced through his mind. _"Can you just smile for once?..."_

As his mind began racing again, Remus ran his hand through his hair in frustration. Brain off, Lupin. Brain off – wasn't that the secret to being temporarily happy? Stop thinking, stop analyzing, stop planning, stop worrying and just _live_?

But he couldn't turn his brain off. Turning his brain off had been what had gotten him into this mess in the first place. So what was he supposed to do?

Well, maybe if he just used his brain to figure this out, maybe he could find a way to make reality and fantasy coexist peacefully.

All right, Option 1: Don't go back.

Not a particularly appealing option. Pure reality. He had already destroyed Dora's life so much. He couldn't possibly inflict any more pain than he already had.

"_I don't like it,"_ Lily's ghostly voice announced.

"Yeah, of course you wouldn't," Remus muttered.

"_Coward,"_ came the next hiss. In horrifying realization, Remus found that he couldn't decide whose voice it was that spoke – James? Or Harry?

"Am not," he groaned.

"_Wuss,"_ James persisted.

"_He's right, you know,"_ Sirius' voice echoed casually. _"Only a true coward wouldn't go crawling back on hands and knees, crying like a baby for forgiveness."_

Remus moaned softly at the word 'baby'. Oh, Merlin, what had he done?

***

_He could hear James moaning in Sirius' kitchen when he walked in._

"_Head down, Jay, head down, I don't want you passing out on my floor," Sirius said bracingly. "Lily won't thank me for that."_

_Remus entered the kitchen warily. "What's going on?" he asked, noticing James' head tucked between his knees and the way his body shook. "James? What's wrong? Has something happened?"_

_James started to look up, when Sirius shoved his head back down. "Merlin, I can't believe I was that careless…" he groaned softly. "What kind of _idiot_…"_

_Sirius met Remus' questioning gaze. "Lily's pregnant."_

***

Option 2 wasn't all that more pleasant. Going back would mean risking his child's chance at a happy, normal life. Risking that he or she would hate him for their entire life for who he was and what he'd done.

All provided, of course, that Dora even took him back. That he hadn't managed to alienate himself from _everything_ good in this world.

***

_Lily glowered affectionately in James' direction as he lifted the baby up from the carrier after the Order meeting was through, taking the newborn over to Moody and the Longbottoms to show off._

"_He seems to have gotten over his doubts," Remus laughed as he sank down to the empty chair next to his old friend, who was leaning back in her chair with her arms crossed._

"_Haven't had a single moment all to myself with that boy," Lily grumbled good-naturedly, a slight smile on her face. "He just keeps saying if he's going to hell in a hand basket, he might as well enjoy the ride."_

***

"… _If he's going to hell in a hand basket, he might as well enjoy the ride."_

Might as well enjoy the ride. It was such a James-and-Sirius thing to say. Such a Lily thing to do, to find what little good was left in a world crumbling before their eyes.

But James and Lily had never had to worry about potentially killing their child. Sentencing him to death because of who they were. That had never been an issue for them, not the way it was for him.

Seemingly from out of nowhere, a voice that he hadn't heard in a very long time – almost 35 years, in fact – echoed back in his head.

***

"_No, please, he's my son…" He was clinging to her skirts, trying desperately to understand what was going on. Fenrir hadn't wanted them to come into the human place – was this why?_

"_Mama…" he whispered, holding on tighter._

"_Remus, sweetheart, I'm right here," the human woman said, holding out her hand. Who was she? Why did she think that he would come to her?_

_Mama reached down and lifted him up into her arms, holding him close as she whispered into his ear, "Don't let anybody convince you that you're not worthy, Remus. I love you –"_

_She screamed as one of the human men pulled Remus away, placing him in the arms of the human woman as he screamed and cried and fought to free himself. "Mama!" he cried out, reaching for her again._

"_No, _please_, he's my son!" Mama sobbed as the humans grabbed her arms and slammed her to her knees._

"_Your name, werewolf!" one snarled, his wand pointed at her face._

_Mama looked at him one more time, forcing a small smile onto her face as she said, "Go, Remus."_

"_Your _name_!" the human man growled again, the tip of his wand pressing into her neck._

"_Kerani," she cried. "Kerani Balakrishnan."_

"_Mama?" Remus asked again frantically. What was going on? Why was Mama not taking him back from this stranger?_

"_Don't hate them, Remus, for what they do," she gasped out, before the wand flashed green and she fell to the ground, her eyes unseeing and her body as still as a statue._

***

Remus took a deep breath. Now his mind was really taunting him. As if he didn't already know a werewolf could love like that. Love enough to die. He knew that. He knew that all too well. He would happily die for Dora, would happily die for their unborn child.

It was the living that frightened him. The life of watching people hurt them, ostracize them, torment them. Terrified that it would come to execution again, that one day they were going to die. Not _for_ him, but _because_ of him. Dora had already been cast out of the Ministry, forced into hiding, alienated from her family. What was left but to be tortured and killed?

He had the strength to fight again. He would always find the strength to fight. But did he have the strength to go back to her, to risk losing her? Losing _them_?

***

Somehow it just seemed right to be coming back in the middle of a thunderstorm: the rain pounding down, hail pelting his skin with stinging ferocity, the thunder deafening him, the lightning blinding him. He must look as ragged as he felt, as pathetic as he really was.

Lily was all but singing in his head, her smug, satisfied look poking through his memory. She had always told him that one day he would find somebody who was worth all the pain. She had always seemed to know so much more than she had ever let on – like she knew what would happen before it ever came to pass.

"_I told you so. Didn't I tell you so?"_

"Oh, shut up," Remus grumbled under his breath, his voice catching in his throat as he saw the front door open.

"_She _did_ tell you so," _James' voice admitted.

"_Numerous times,"_ Sirius agreed.

"_Know-it-all,"_ James said affectionately.

"All of you, shut up," Remus muttered again, heart pounding when he caught a glimpse of somebody coming out into the rain, their wand raised and pointing in his direction.

"_Oh, look at our little Moony, all grown up and developing an attitude…"_

"_Better late than never."_

The figure moved closer, and now he could see her face illuminated by the lightning.

Her blue eyes were ringed by dark circles, bloodshot from days of tears. Her hair was limp, brown once more as the rain plastered it against her head, falling into her eyes. Her expression was shocked, even suspicious until another lightning bolt revealed who he was.

A cry of delighted surprise and joy escaped her lips, and she threw herself at him as the thunder rolled again, and the rain came down even harder.

Merlin, she was out in this with no cloak on… He couldn't help but fuss over her, especially when she looked as though her last few days had been just as awful as his.

He wrapped her into his arms beneath his soaked cloak, kissing her hungrily before whispering into her ear, "I'm sorry, Dora. I'm sorry… Forgive me?"

"_Groveling is good…"_ James said approvingly.

She looked up at him, eyes still practically delirious with excitement. Then the anger flashed through.

"Where _have_ you been, Remus?" she shrieked as she stepped back, in a tone scarily similar to Molly Weasley when addressing her children. "It's been four days! _Four days_ without a scrap of news, I thought you'd been _killed_!..."

She hadn't even thought that he could've left her? She thought that the only reason that he wouldn't have come back was because he'd been killed?

"_Where_ have you been, Remus?" she demanded again.

He couldn't do anything but laugh as he pulled her back into her arms. "Oh, you wouldn't believe me if I told you, Dora. Come on, let's get you back inside before you catch your death of cold…"

"Me?" she scoffed. "I don't think there's a dry spot _left_ on you."

* * *

A/N: Learn more about Kerani and her relationship to Remus in Between Here and Gone, coming soon to ff.n!


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